oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
