Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
