I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
