I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
