Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
