No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
