i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
