I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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