Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize