I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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