I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
