I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
