Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
