were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
