I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize