I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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