Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
