so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
