i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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