It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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