I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
