We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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