somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize