My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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