This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize