I hate your face
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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