So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
