the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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