Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
