dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
