He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
