i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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