i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She bit a glass in half.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
