I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
