it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
