i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
