"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
