You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just had sex on a roof
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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