I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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