My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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