i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
