I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
