Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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