How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
