please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
where are my eyebrows?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
