We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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