Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
