having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
