Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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