when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize