he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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