I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize