Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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