Jerry, you need to find god
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
