my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
