I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
