My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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