"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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