Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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