You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
