its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She's not a foreskin expert like you
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
