yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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