no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
