At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
