I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Fuck appropriateness.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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