im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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