I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
