my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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