That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
